Oxen secure a win against Redingensians

As one of the last great bastions of old school rugby values the burgeoning insidious influence of certain metrosexual liberal elite elements within the squad will have the legendary founders of Chinnor Oxen turning in their graves. Wallowing in their echo chamber of virtue signalling one-upmanship which has seen dry January trumped by Veganuary and many more fads of increasing absurdity the bien pensant will stop at nothing in their attempt to bring the Oxen kicking and screaming into the 21st Century.

So it was with mounting fear that even our captain announced he had seen the error of his ways and from now on he will be changing his Friday pre match routine of 6 pints of Peroni and a Thai takeaway from the Riser…we waited with baited breath, have these London types and their meek minded acolytes managed to brain wash one of our own? We should never have doubted GC Warner as it became apparent that this was just a tweak in preparation to 6 pints of Peroni, a chateaubriand and a bottle of red at his new destination of choice, The Black Horse. True to form he was last to arrive at the ground and managed to emerge from the changing rooms for the last 30 seconds of Jonny Brooks new fangled warm up.

It was not easy to identify any beneficial early effects of the alcohol gestapo’s regime as the new year kicked off with a whimper. A lack of focus and aggression from the Oxen saw Redingensians mount a series of attacks through their large pack and take a deserved 5-0 lead. Luckily their place kicker did not have a good day from the tee which in all fairness were rather taxing conditions. This served as a wake up call and the metaphorical hangover was shrugged off as the Oxen moved through the gears. Begley made the first attacking move with a break of such skill and elan it was only matched in reverse by the quality of his pass to Sellars Senior as he drew the last defender. This was only a blip and soon after Begley made another searing break and seemingly learnt his lesson by choosing not to pass and scored himself which he converted.

Now on a roll and playing with excellent fluency the Oxen scored three more tries in quick succession from Powell, Pearson and a real pearlor from Sellars Junior which featured superb work from Stainton and Harris to take a commanding 24 – 5 lead. Unfortunately just before half time our Peter’s Piece duo fell to pieces and both Harding and Brooks had to leave the field prematurely and thereby depriving the team of the only two players anyone could describe as being anywhere near fit. Tim Wright did not make the most enthusiastic of replacements as he continued to worry about any pre skiing injury although he was heard to say at least he made himself available unlike a few weaker minded members of the squad. Reds scored with the last play of the half to make it 24-10 at half time.

Although it was cold enough for hot toddy weather any thoughts of a warming nip at half time were banned and instead a raft of changes entered the fray. It was good to see OX back, last seen limping off after 5 minutes in Ibiza and Giles last seen somewhat unconventionally attired for beach rugby in Ibiza. Ratty and James Sellars swapped for Reds and a big thanks to both of them for stepping up, although James needs to understand you’re not meant to play well for the opposition.

The second half was somewhat a replica of the first with Reds scoring first and threatening a comeback. This was quickly suppressed as the Oxen again clicked into gear with 3 more rapid tries. A superb intervention off his wing by Davies with a powerful midfield bust saw him beat several defenders and take another several with him. Quick ball through the hands saw Wright benefit from an out the front door pass from Powell to dot down. Shortly after Powell’s rather speculative chip through seemed to be rolling to safety in the dead ball area but took a left turn at such an acute angle that it took three defenders out of the game and as the ball travelled along the try line Powell touched down with such insouciance that he was almost back at half way when the team realised it was given as a try. Not to be outdone Pearson scored his second from a push over try with a similar unruffled manner. This was the culmination of some superb dominance in the scrum having forced a 5 metre scrum from pushing Reds back on their own ball, so much credit to Roger, Gavin, Bridges, Cookey, Harris, Wiltshire, Andy…and a rather truncated cameo from Stu Mack.

At 41-10 the Oxen rather lost focus and full credit to Reds who kept going to the end. Their 7 was a real handful and broke through on many occasions only to be thwarted in 3 one on ones with Nick ‘the Rock’ Stainton. The game ended as both Reds second rows with a combined weight of over 40 stone landed on top of a valiant Bridges as they careered over for a try. Bridges was apoplectic, resembling an upside down spread eagled star fish and in a state of high dudgeon he remonstrated extremely angrily with the referee over the grounding. Perhaps a relaxing drink or two would restore a modicum of sangfroid.