The Nobel Prize in Literature has been awarded annually since 1901 and is awarded to an author from any country who has, in the words of the will of Alfred Nobel, produced "in the field of literature the most outstanding work in an ideal direction.” One notable author to receive the award was Ernest Hemingway, wo received the honour on the 28th of October in 1954. Hemingway’s work was influential to many, including the Devils, who’s record “Hawks do not share” was named after and based on a chapter from his posthumous memoirs ‘a moveable feast.’ The Devils were comprised of the original band members of pre-fame and pre-Le Bon Duran Duran. Skip forward sixty-three years after Hemingway’s award and the Duran Duran fans and general fans of literature known as the ‘Wildboys’ were welcoming Reading Abbey to the roadside pitch at Kingsey Road.
The Wildboys line-up was this week without the in-form mad weasel Max “Robert Boratheon” Wood, as his hand was poorly from his “passionate love making” the week prior and the fact he was tusked by a wild boar. Nonetheless it was a fine-looking line-up, with the welcome return to Mark “the saint” Wilkinson on the bench and the return of Captain George “Ki-Ki-King George VI” White, who was returning from a three-week absence and found himself stepping into the second row.
The Wildboys started the game and the ball was pitched high into the path of Abbey’s captain, who took his eye off the egg and fumbled the ball on. The resulting scrum saw the Wildboys dominate and the backs got quick ball to Adam “Golden Wonder” Draper who touched down in the corner for the first try of the day. The resulting kick was narrowly missed by Thad “Mr Nice Guy” Cooper putting the score at 5-0 to the Wildboys.
The positive start to the game continued and once again the Abbey were pinned back in their own half, a couple of hard hitting lines and solid ball retention from the Wildboys led to the defence parting for Harry “hotpants” Hillier in a similar fashion to the Red Sea parting for Moses. Hillier didn’t sniff at the opportunity and was quickly(ish) trotting over for a try. The jubilant celebrations from the spectators resembled that of the Israelites as they crossed the exposed sea bed and it seemed Reading Abbey were just hoping to keep their head above the water. Thad “Super Trouper” Cooper slotted the conversion to make the score 12-0.
The next try was one of the highlights from the game, William Taylor as usual was the toad in the hole and caught the restart, when tackled an infringement from Abbey saw a penalty kicked to touch for a Wildboys lineout. An expertly drilled lineout saw a training ground move work perfectly for the first time in history, leaving James “@harley_thecavapoo” Way with a clear run for the line. The element of space phased him like a deer in the headlights and was nearly stopped in his tracks by the faster second row, however he managed to reach out and score a superb try. Once again Thad “isn’t he lovely” Cooper slotted the resulting kick to put the Wildboys up 19-0.
Before the half time whistle there were further tries from Adam “very important potato” Draper, Guy “buy a beer” Hackshaw and Max “0%” Williams, along with two more conversion from Thad “he’s so lovely” Cooper put the Wildboys up 38-0. Hemingway wrote that “Hawks do not share” and it was beginning to look like falcons didn’t either as the Wildboys touched down 6 times to Abbeys 0.
Half time saw Trevor “bluebells” Powell come on at 10, Mark “Marcus Peters” Wilkinson enter the second row and Chris “Levis 511” Jeffcock at 6. The game restarted in its usual manner William “the thumb” Taylor collected the ball from the sky and the dominance continued. A second try from Harry “Pez” Hillier and a well-executed try from Harry “baby gap” Lowe put the score at 48-0 to the Wildboys.
This time from the restart William “walls” Taylor decided he was fed up of merely catching the ball. He instead decided to kick the ball on the volley up towards the on-rushing Abbey players, he then leapt like frog off a lily pad and caught his own kick. It was a piece of magic that may never be seen again and dumfounded the referee so much that he had to find a reason to punish Wild, and decided that he didn’t release the ball once tackled. Thad “so amazing” Cooper converted the next 2 tries that were scored by Jayson “Squilliam Fancyson III” Abbott and Harry “topshop” Lowe consecutively.
The Wildboys very own Kylie and Jason then worked in perfect harmony, George “look at youuuu” Hope leapt like a salmon to steal a lineout which resulted in the ball getting out to his bae Jayson “hey bert” Abbott who then ran in his second of the day. The conversion was missed, and the score stood at 67-0.
The forwards decided that they would do some scoring themselves as a scrum was walked over the dead ball line, only for the pack to realise the ball had squirted out and they had left Hillier and Williams fighting to retain the ball. Max “the body” Williams made sure the job was completed and touched down his second of the day. The Abbey captain was beginning to get frustrated with the scenes going on around him and the old head of Trevor Powell decided to stoke his fire with an Irish jig and a few limericks, resulting in the angry skipper being asked to calm down by the referee. Powell then taught the younger adversary a lesson by deftly kicking the ball over into space which resulted in Adam Draper scoring his third of the day. This put the score at 77-0 with 10 minutes left on the clock.
The game continued and so did Powell’s campaign of terror on the opposition skipper, so much so that the Abbey captain officially lost his rag and the referee saw fit to call time to the encounter 5 minutes from time.
This was a fixture that really saw the Wildboys come to life and was an outstanding team performance. Both man and mare of the match were near impossible to decide, but this week the mare was jointly awarded to James “bruise like a peach” Way for leaving the balls at home, along with William “richmond” Taylor for his kick and catch efforts. The man of the match this week was Jayson “Jeff Tentacles” Abbott for his dominance in the centre resulting in his opposite man stating, “I’ve embarrassed myself today.”
Next week sees the Wildboys visit Aylesbury where the hope to maintain their pressure on Maidenhead and Bracknell at the top of the table. Until then, keep it Wild….
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xoxoxo

Man of the Match: Jayson Abbott
Mare of the Match: James Way, Will Taylor
Tries: A.Draper (3), H.Hillier (2), J.Way, G.Hackshaw, M.Williams (2), H.Lowe (2), J.Abbott (2)
Conv: T.Cooper (6)